


Shadows of the past, how she longs for its touch

by fallingblood_in_thesnow



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Denial of Feelings, Drabble, F/M, Hallucinations, Heavy Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Illusions, Past Relationship(s), Trauma, huge spoilers but not really, i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:33:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29789235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingblood_in_thesnow/pseuds/fallingblood_in_thesnow
Summary: But she suppresses, bites it down.Die my heart.Die and begone.She does not know if he is truly there.It has been long past since she can see the difference between reality or illusion.
Relationships: The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Shadows of the past, how she longs for its touch

**Author's Note:**

> the trailer is so wrong for this, for making me write a small angst drabble, how dare you bring me back into this I will personally find the person who casted ben barnes and SCREAM

She sees him all the time nowadays.

In the shadows.

It lurks and dances with her own shadow, behind her back, swirls and dances until Alina can’t ignore the presence of him.

The urge to touch him, to feel his skin upon hers and finally, _finally_ Ignite like she wants to.

But she suppresses, bites it down.

Die my heart.

Die and begone.

She does not know if he is truly there.

It has been long past since she can see the difference between reality or illusion.

Until she feels his fingertip caressing her skin, so pale it looks ashen in the sunlight that comes through the window.

,, Why would you let yourself be so small? When you can be so much more, Alina?’’, she doesn’t answer, her anger, the spite she feels to hear his voice again.

The desire, the need to for his touch again.

The want to put both of her hands around his throat and scratch it until he is only blood, until she tastes the iron on her lips, his blood dripping from her own hands, like holy water.

They are no saints.

No saints indeed.

,, Do you truly want to die? Like that? Alone without to feel your light again?’’,

Shut up, she wants to scream until her voice is raw, hurt from the pain.

How she misses it, the feel of the sun, of being more, her heart open and full, so full of light to be seen and to be shared.

She misses it, so badly it is like she lost all of her limbs.

When she lost her powers, when they died inside her, so did she.

All gone and buried.

All that is left, is a corpse, a ghost, walking to be found again.

,, You are so powerful and all that is left -’’

,, Shut up!’’, she grabs the next best thing from the table turns around and throws it, turning around in the process.

There is nothing.

She drops to her knees.

Nothing but shadows of the past.

The graving and the desire, all gone, all wasted.

The tears, she dries before her Husband comes back.

He doesn’t like it when he can see how broken she is.

**Author's Note:**

> SIGH okay, listen  
> Its really the trailers fault  
> And BB's and Jessi Mei li's chemistry ( I am so sure they are baiting I am hating it here. )  
> I ......I have a lot of issues with the series, I won't lie most of it lies with the worldbuilding ( I am Siberian I can fully well be offended how my culture is represented ) and the fake woke take on a few things portrait in the series.  
> BUT WHAT REALLY IRKS ME FOR YEARS NOW IS THE WASTED POTENTIAL OF THE CHARACTES ESPECIALLY THEM [ holds pocket sized darklina in my hands]  
> THEY ARE THE ONLY THING THAT SOMEHOW??? KEPT ME READING THIS MESS. AND THEY GOT TREATED LIKE TRASH!!!! ITS BEEN YEARS I AM STILL SO MAD. alina losing her powers.........the darkling losing his humanity to save his people....and thus his life.....it will haunt me. HAUNT ME.  
> okay anyhow.  
> If the trailer keeps following me [ it WILL ] I might actually write more for them and I already have a ..... small au idea ( its not small and I hate it here I HATE IT HERE)
> 
> Please drop me a review and let me know what you think!
> 
> anyhow if you wanna talk more about how I am losing my mind over the darklina hit me up on my twt and tumblr  
> br />  
> Which are the following:  
> [tumblr](https://frostybitingbyss.tumblr.com)  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/luzdela_luna_)


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